Okay, before you get all "you're a racist, how dare you say 'black' and 'evil' in the same sentence?" on me, I'm talking about this black can. And let me tell you, it is evil! It's just a can of Coke you say? Oh but no, no it's not just a simple can of Coke, it's so much more. What it is is deceptive. It attemps, and succeeds in doing so, to fool us. To lull us into a false sense of security before it strikes. And strike it does! It uses the sexy look of the black can, highlited by that sultry silver wave and punctuated by that trademark Coca-Cola red. It stands out and taunts us from within the vending machine, saying "I'm differnt than the rest. See? I'm in a black can. Try me..." The allure gets the best of me and *plunk!* there it is, craddeled in the vending machine return.
*pfft!* *clack!* Sounds like a Coke! *glug glug* Looks like a Coke, maybe a little flat looking but that happens. Crap! Still diet! Yep, there it is, that terrible tinny-flat-taste indicitve of diet soda. Damn you little black can! Damn you!! How dare you use your corporate marketing machine ways on me, your alluring gothic styling?! You lied to me! Shame on you! And shame on me for falling for it, I knew better. I still know better, but the force is strong with this one and I've developed an army of the little black-can-bastards on my desk. It may be too late for me but I bring you this message, "resist!" Don't let them fool you, they're not real Coke! Save yourself and get the one in the red can, better yet the maroon can it won't lie to you.
Farewell, I have to go back to consuming enough synthetic sugar to give lab rats cancer (as if they weren't going to get cancer anyway, they're lab rats!).
No comments:
Post a Comment